The Hash and The Beast

Last weekend was a great weekend for nutjob runners.

Our first trip was to Widewaters in Lockport, NY where the Beast of Burden 100 was coming to a close. It's amazing to see the transformation at Widewaters along the Erie Canal as the spirit of the beast takes over.

 For those of you who don't know, the Beast of Burden 100 is a 100 mile race along the historic Erie Canal. It is run once in the summer and once in the winter. You can also choose to run the 50 miler or the 24 hour race.  Not your ordinary run in the park.

When we got to the Widewaters Marina the race had already been going on for 25 hours. One of the directors, Jim Pease told us there were still 10 people out there. The 100 milers had to finish the race within 30 hours.

We watched as Milko Mejia from Fresh Meadows, NY came in at 25:31. He was welcomed home with cheers, cowbells and the Rolling Stone's Beast of Burden blasting out of the loud speakers.

The race started 10:00 Saturday morning. It was now 12:30 Sunday afternoon. That is a long time to be on your feet.

Edward Broadmax from Ft. Bragg, NC ran a 12:35:40 and Kerri Haskins from Danville, NY ran a 14:22:55. Both were still there cheering in the rest of the runners. Jim Pease did fifty miles as a practice run!

Dominic Pasceri the youngest of the runners, just 13 years old ran 50 miles in 17:13:38! His proud father, Sam, looked on with pride. The day before the race Sam fell from the first floor to the basement and broke 11 vertebrae, herniated 5 other discs, broke his left shoulder and most of the ribs on his right side. Originally he was going to pace his son. Obviously he was no longer able to run in the race but nothing was going to stop him from being there when Dom crossed the finish line.

The winner of the race, Joseph Czabaranek from Dayton, Ohio came in at 14:47:30 beating the course record of 14:56:50 set by Valmir Nunes from Brazil at the Summer Beast.  Click here for the rest of the results.

Next we headed out to Gonzos Bar in Lockport NY where the Buffalo Hash House Harriers were meeting for Hash #704 - NUTS, it's Cold Out! The Hashers are billed as a drinking club with a running problem.

Barebackbullseye and Cowgirl (the man on the right is Cowgirl) were setting the trail. I'm not sure how he got the name Cowgirl but I'll bet it's a great story.

When we entered the bar I felt like we were being let into a secret society.

Having heard all kinds of strange stories about the Hashers we were expecting a bunch of crazy, drunken redneckers. Instead what we found were the nicest bunch of well read, personable runners you'd ever want to meet.

BangsforABuck and SudsandJugs were kind enough to let us in on some of the finer aspects of hashing. HeadDispenser also added some input.

Disorganization is the rule of the day. The hash officially starts at 12:69 (1:09) but in reality it actually starts around 2:30 because everybody first meets inside the bar for a beer or two and socializes before the run.

As it was explained to me, every hash is different, nobody but the hares know where the trail will lead them. You just follow the hash marks. All hashers wear a whistle (if you forget your whistle that is a penalty - more on that later). If someone is off the trail they will blow the whistle to keep everyone on track. There are no winners or losers here.

At every mile marker you drink a beer and sing.  The fastest runners wait for the slowest runners. Nobody is left behind. I hope I am getting all of the details and names right. There is a lot to learn.

Other penalties include no peeing on the trail, no hats in the circle and other violations that are made up along the way.  Any hasher can call a penalty on their fellow hashers during the run. When the hash is over everybody gathers in a circle and the penalties are doled out, one cup of beer at a time.

Being injured and on meds I decided to send a scout out on the trail with the hashers to see what it was all about. I needed someone ready to run anywhere, anytime for any reason, someone not quite right in the head.  The choice was obvious. The Cannibal quickly changed into his running clothes at the bar.

After the run he reported back to us. Having heard some of the details I wasn't sure if he was reporting accurately or just delusional from the beer and snow. It was obvious I was going to have to run this thing myself next time.

When I do my first hash I will report back with the details.

* * * * *

So what's next? Rumor has it there is a race coming up in February where the guys run in heels and red dresses. You'd have to be a real nut job to do that one.  See you there.

So far this year . . .

I haven’t gone a day without exercising,

I haven’t overeaten

and I haven’t screwed anything up yet.

Batting a thousand so far.

Here’s to making this the best Nut Job year ever. 


Happy New Year everyone!

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow." - Albert Einstein

What Runners Do When They Can't Run

While puttering around the house one night I suddenly found myself  bouncing down a flight of stairs on my back. This quickly turned into an ambulance ride to ECMC. Prognosis:  three broken ribs, one slightly  punctured lung and a fractured lower vertebrae.

Another words, no running for a few months.

So what do when you're a runner and you're not allowed to run?

Time to write that eBook that's been lurking around your brain.

I've never written an eBook before so I turned to my computer to find out how. The answer was at one of my favorite sources for free kindle books called hundredzeros.com

For the cost of zero dollars I downloaded a book called Building Your Book for Kindle, put out by Kindle Direct Publishing.  It provides step by step instructions on writing, formatting and publishing your eBook.

There many sources out there for self publishing.  Most charge a fee.  Amazon Kindle charges nothing.  Anyone can write and publish an eBook. Whether it's a good book that actually sells is entirely up to you.

Basically, this is what you do.

1. Get yourself a word processing program.  Microsoft Word 2010 is recommended though the earlier versions will work also.  You can also use OpenOffice or LibraOffice.
2. Following the formatting guidelines in the book, write your material. When you are done, proofread it well.
3. Prepare a cover.
4. Upload and check the quality of your book and make any necessary changes.
5. Publish it!

* Detailed instructions for each step are in the book.

**Another good source of information is Amazon's Kindle Publishing Guidelines http://kindlegen.s3.amazonaws.com/AmazonKindlePublishingGuidelines.pdf

Due to my injuries, I'm off of work for the next thirty some days.  So, like the saying goes,

"When you can't run, write." - the golden squirrel

The Golden Squirrel 2011

As you have probably noticed, I have not yet announced the winner of the 2011 Nutjob Of The Year.

Through injuries and laziness and other assorted excuses, I haven't spent as much time with my favorite nutjobs in 2011 as I would have liked.

As a result, it is hard to know who is the most deserving of this prestigious award.

How can you judge those you do not see?

So for the 2011 Nutjob of the Year award I am asking for nominations.

Using the comments field of this blog, please submit the name of your nominee, and in 25 words or less, explain why they are worthy of the almighty squirrel. 

And yes,  you can nominate yourself if you like.  As Benjamin Franklin said, "God helps those who help themselves."

The nominees will be posted in next week's blog with a decision made the following week.

May the spirit of the golden squirrel be with you wherever you run.

Bob Ivory Race

It was a beautiful, sunny morning in November for the 33rd Annual Bob Ivory 5k at St. Joe's.  It is a Buffalo News Runner Of The Year race that is always well attended.

Running - It's all about friendship,

the quest for excellence

         

 and of course,  the sneakers.                 
                                                    







  

The Ghost Master

It was the night before Halloween.

Scott ran along the canal in the dark, trusting his flashing clip-on light to keep any distracted motorists from running him over.  He kept a more powerful flashlight in his pocket, in case of fog.

He had the street to himself.   "Legend of the Ghostmaster Effect"was what Scott dubbed the empty streets on this rare, warm October night. 



Many years ago a hated postmaster of the local post office was found floating in the canal, the night before Halloween, face down.

The police called it accidental drowning but there were whispers of murder.

Suspects - almost everyone that knew him.  He was not well liked.

Every Halloween Eve since, there were reports of ghost sightings along the canal.  It was said to be the postmaster come back to seek vengeance against his murderer.  As the years went by the legend of the Ghostmaster grew.

But Scott didn't believe in ghost stories.


He listened to the sound of his sneakers hitting the pavement as he enjoyed his solitary run. Thump thump. Thump thump.  Like a pendulum, perfect rhythm.  But then his clip-on light went off.

Annoyed, he hit it with his hand but it stayed dark.

Suddenly there was a wooshing sound from above.  Scott felt the wind twirl around him as the wooshing grew louder.

The wind rushed in at him as a wave crashed out of the canal and soaked him from head to toe.

Wait a minute, thought Scott.  Canals don't have waves.

He stopped running and stood still, feeling the cold water dripping off of him.  Something was very wrong.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw a dark shadow coming down at him.  Fast.

Before he could move, the wet, slimy being circled around him and thundered into the back of his knees, sending him sprawling painfully to the ground.

He felt like he was underwater.  He struggled to catch his breath.  He was on land but he was drowning.

He flailed his arms in a wild, desperate attempt to get air but something was holding him down.  His hand bumped the  powerful flashlight in his pocket, tripping it on.


A scream of pain came from the air as Scott was suddenly released from the horrible drowning feeling.

Scott sat on the ground, dazed, searching the area around him with his powerful beam of light.  He  watched in horror as he saw the ghostmaster fade away into the depths of the canal.


When Scott's heart finally stopped racing he gingerly got up off the ground and keeping his flashlight on, began a painful jog back home, vowing never to run on Halloween Eve again.

Happy Halloween

Ninja Running

Legendary Ninja Warrior, Baba Da Rahto, learned early the importance of running quietly.

To be invisible in a race cannot be overemphasized.

So how does one run quietly?

If there are stairs involved in the race, keep close to the wall and go on your toes only.  Even better get on all fours while ascending or descending, if  you can do it unnoticed.

   

 Distribute your weight evenly.

 Softly touch the ground, mid-foot, engaging the calf muscles for strength and stabilization.

Develop a habit of being constantly aware of your movements throughout the day.  When you hear yourself doing something, find out the cause of the noise and try it again more quietly.

As you continue to train, you will become more aware of your body and it's noises.  Remember the creed of the Ninja Runner -

    

Train hard and run soundlessly.

Rain

Yesterday it rained.  Today it is raining.  Tomorrow they are calling for rain.


A few weeks ago, I was struggling in the heat as we finished what should have been an easy four miler.


Today it is 42 degrees out.

Yeah, hard to believe, but it's time once again to  delve into the running closet and haul out the Cold Weather gear.    



 







Because we all know what's coming next.

Sand

.It isn't the mountain ahead that wears you out - it's the grain of sand in your shoe.
Robert Service

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
Steven Wright



 While out for a run on the tow path we spotted the Cannibal at the One Mile Marker.  He was staring down at his hands, mesmerized.


What was he up to now?

Using our Ninja running skills we moved swiftly and silently to where he was resting (Nutjob Ebook Ninja Running Skills coming out soon).

Upon a closer look we saw what was holding his attention.

Cupped in his hands was a granular material composed of finely divided rock and mineral particles.

It was sand.



When  he saw us he hid his guilt with a smile and let the sand trickle discretely through his fingers.

The Cannibal is a crafty one. 

But what did it mean?

What was he thinking?

What was he planning?

 
Only time will tell.

Ravaged By The Beast

The Beast of Burden Summer 100 Ultra Marathon



The day started off innocently enough.  Baba and the Cannibal were happy to snag a picnic table in the shade right next to where we had parked our vehicles.

As it turned out, the shade by our picnic table was the last we would see for the day.

It is wide open along the canal. There are no overhanging trees to duck under or paths that lead you through the cool woods for awhile.  You are at the suns August mercy.

 Blisters, sun poisoning, dehydration, you name it, we got it.

But one of the nice things about an ultra is the social aspect.  You meet people from many walks of life.

At mile three we met Ali.

His philosophy on running was, "There is joy in movement".

His daily workout is to walk three miles, jog three miles and then run three miles.  By the time he has warmed up with the walk and the jog, he can't wait to run.  The joy of movement.



I wish we could have talked with more people along the way but unfortunately misery came pretty early at this one.


Still, when you're running a local race you can always count on your friends to convey those special messages to you, like Richard Clark did to Bob, when we ran into him at Gasport -  "Clyde says to tell you, you suck!"  What a great motivator that was.



Yes, we were ravaged by the beast on Saturday. 


Some days you get the beast and other days the beast gets you.


It had it's way with us on this one but redemption is just a run away, or as the Hashers would say, "On On".

Training For The Beast

 "You can have your friends and eat them too."

   - The Cannibal

It has been an oppressive summer.  The heat and humidity, not to mention the thunder and lightning, made for some pretty rough runs. 

As we ready once again for the Summer Beast of Burden I can't help but wonder, "What the hell were we thinking?"

I am doing the Fifty Miler and Baba is doing the One Hundred.  

Who knows what the Cannibal is doing.  He claims he's not running it but I think that's just a ploy.

He will be out there, hiding in the bushes or underwater in the canal, sucking a reed, seeking the sick and vulnerable as the race turns ugly.

But we can't let the possibility of lightning strikes or cannibalism bother us.  Training is our priority.

Through the rain, the heat and the dark of night, nothing will stop us from our appointed runs.  

When race day comes I know the Cannibal will be out there somewhere, trying to trip us up so he can have his way with our toes, but the finish line is our boss and nothing will stop us from reaching it.

Bring it on Cannibal, bring it on.

Guest Post - The Cannibal

Special thanks to the Cannibal for the first installment of his Summer Beast Story.  Hey Cannibal,  I forgot to ask, what's the title?

Part I

The Cannibal's eyes slowly fluttered open.  First one and then the other.  His other senses began assessing the situation.  How long had he been asleep by the side of "Clinton's Ditch" in the mud, weeds and assorted goose crap?  He knew that it was probably only twenty minutes but he felt scads better.  True, his legs still screamed with built up lactic acid and his lower back ached from an old kayak mishap, but these were minor inconveniences that would disappear when he ran the last twenty eight miles to cross the finish of the Summer beast 100 mile Run.

As the Cannibal lay in the weeds by the side of the water he sensed something wasn't quite right.  He knew he had a forty five minute lead on Babba so that wasn't it. Something just didn't feel right. There was the sound of the canal water lapping against the rocks on the shore and a bit of light from a waning crescent moon that gave just a hint of visibility to the pitch black surroundings.  He could hear the unsure crunch, crunch of an approaching runner on the Towpath trail.  You could just tell from the uneven sound of the footsteps that he was a 5K Ultra wannabe.  Nothing rhythmic in his gait as his mind wandered amid the pain and darkness.  His glaring headlamp was also a dead giveaway that this was his first attempt at the distance.  As he approached you could hear the faint strains of the Rocky Theme playing on his IPOD.  Jesus, another rookie mistake!

Wait a minute, thought the Cannibal, canal water lapping against the rocks?  The canal water doesn't lap against the rocks out here!  There was no wind and with only a four mile per hour current the canal is usually noiseless.  Not unless. . . .  the hair on the back of his neck was standing up as he moved his head slowly toward the dark channel.

Mr. 5K clomped by, oblivious to the hidden Cannibal, his head bobbing to the IPOD tunes.  he never heard or flinched when a slimy tentacled figure slipped from the inky water enveloping him in its wiggling suction cupped arms.  Horrible sucking sounds and a mild struggle ensued.  The chaos didn't last more than fifteen seconds and the dark figure slithered back into the canal.  it appeared to be swimming west, its appetite partially satiated.


TO BE CONTINUED . . .

Sweaty Baba

It was 9:00 a.m.  I was all set for a morning workout with my running partner, Baba the Freak.

What I got was the Cannibal's leftovers.

After first doing a 7:00 a.m. run with Clyde, Baba arrived at my doorstep sweaty and disheveled.  He looked more ready for a beer than for a run.

But out the door we went.

For a sweaty guy he was pretty good company.  The miles went by and before I knew it, the run was done.

What a satisfying feeling it is to get your run in for the day (or two runs for some people).

Sunday's Score Card:

One run for me, two for Baba and God knows how many Clyde will get in by the day's end.

Happy Father's Day and Happy Running everyone.

Treading Water With Wonder Woman

 

As I jog in place at a crossroad waiting for cars to pass, I think to myself that running in place is like treading water.  My feet are still going while my body takes a short nap.

I think about this as I resume my running, sweating like a Baba, listening to "Wonder Woman" on my MP3 player. 

"Wonder Woman, Wonder Woman

All the world's waiting for you,

and the power you possess."

Another crossroad, I tread water again.

Running suddenly feels empowering.  I can't wait to take off.  I am one with the song.

"In your satin tights

Fighting for your rights

and the old Red White and Blue."

After the cars have passed I break into a run.  My pace goes from an 11:20 to an 8:25 like nothing.

"Wonder Woman, Wonder Woman

Now the world is ready for you,

and the wonders you can do." 

(theme song from the TV Series "Wonder Woman")

I soon run out of breath and have to walk, but that's okay.  I was Wonder Woman for a few seconds there and it was good.

Walking With Nut Jobs

First day of Spring and out the door we went, Baba, myself and the recovering Cannibal.

We walked four miles on the towpath.  Yes, you heard me right, we walked.

When you can’t run, walk.  If you can’t walk, crawl.  (If it wasn’t for crawling I may not have finished the 50k at Oil Creek.)

The Cannibal hasn't been cleared to run yet but hopefully this week his doctor will give him the thumbs up.


If not, Clyde will fire him and find someone that will give him the thumbs up.

 The best advice I ever got for finishing anything was to just keep moving forward.  

Today we began our move forward.  Happy Spring, everyone.

    

Is It Spring Yet?

"Here comes the Sun, Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
and I say it's all right
It's all right" 

(The Beatles, Here Comes The Sun)

Is is Spring yet?

The Sidelined Runner

When the doctor's orders are to stop running for a month what do you do?

Well, first of all, you stop running.  But then what?

In the Sound of Music, Maria tells Captain Von Trapp, "Reverend Mother always says when the Lord closes a door, somewhere he opens a window". 

I don't know if the Cannibal has discussed things with the Reverend Mother or not, but hopefully he has found an open window to get him through this time of non running.

Ice fishing, masonry or maybe a little quilting.  Whatever your fancy, now is the time to try something new.

Because sometimes, "time off" can be your friend.

Bond Lake Dinner

Heavy snow, bitter winds and treacherous roads - what kind of a nut job would go out on a night like that?

A whole lot of them, it turns out. 

It was a great time at the annual Bond Lake Awards Banquet last Saturday night at the Lewiston Brickyard Pub and BBQ.

As always, Jan Jezioro, the toastmaster, kept things lively as he presided over the ceremony.

Warmth and humor were abundant on this cold winter night.  These people embody all that is good about running.

Dark beer, friendship and pulled pork.  Who could ask for more?